3.5.03

“Hey ya’ll.  It is spiritual emphasis today through Friday and lately I have been going insane.  First of all, ‘Bob’ is…(I think) the next J** R****.  It is really irritating at how good she is at everything.  I know it seems as if we all have our own little worlds, but it kind of seems like she is invading a lot of mine.  I mean we both had personal stuff like she has soccer, looks, figure, personality, athleticness (?), and height.  I had dance, bball, vball, grades, and to a certain extent-popularity (because of my brothers).  But now she has vball, bball, and my grades and the only thing left is dance.  I think that is why I love it so much.  And also, she is so skinny, but she eats so much junk food.  It is disgusting.  My mom keeps telling me, “That’s so bad for you” but it seems to be working for her.  I just don’t get it.  I wish I didn’t have to constantly watch what I eat and condition 24/7.  And she doesn’t really hang out with me.  She is always with ‘Chester’.  But when she is around me, it is when ‘Frank’ and ‘Chester’ are gone and she yells in my ear and burps in my face.  It is kind of irritating.  The thing that gets me the most though is that she is a good person.  I can’t really tell her any of this because I don’t think she knows she is doing it.  She is just a natural at everything.  I know I am jealous but I don’t know what to do.  If I talk to her she might not try as hard in things, which would make me comfortable with myself.  So, in a way it is kind of good that the better she gets, the harder I try.”

Note:  I don’t think I can convey just how embarrassed-EMBARRASSED I was to publish this, still it’s a part of who I was and a landmark from where I’ve come.  Gosh, please don’t judge me.

Other note: I’m sooo glad to say that this young lady and I still keep in touch.  She is and will forever be one of my dearest friends.

Other-other note: I really did assign code names back then, but now can’t even remember who Frank and Chester are.