I begin the day in a room not my own.  My friend must think I’m crazy.  I’m not.  Just exhausted.  This season is running me into the ground.  This city is making it hard to get up.  700 Am.  I creep out of her apartment, clumsily undoing the triple-locked door.  Five flights of steps down.  Around and around and around I descend.  My mind immediately spins from the staircase.  It’s been spinning non-stop from my current schedule and situation.  I head to my sanctuary.  Nature.  This morning, it’s Central Park.  Cotton candy clouds protect me from the  730 sun.  Runners running.  Runners running.  Senior citizen in black leather gloves walking.  Counter-clockwise they flow.  Left to right.  Around the bend and they’re gone.  Glances they throw my way as I sit in my leather jacket and boots.  Eating my bagel.  Drinking my coffee.  Judgment.  Jealousy.  I’m obviously not here to run.  The cotton candy clouds quickly disappear.   Now just one big one spans the sky.   Cold front in.   This girl out.  Time to walk.  Need to clear my head.  90th to 34th Street.  There’s a lot going on this head.  What a beautiful day in the neighborhood.  I’ve got time. Whoops.  I don’t have time.  Off to work!  Not ready to begin my shift.  No one cares.  Folding.  Sizing.  Folding.  Sizing.  Bad traffic today.  Don’t have to talk about the same thing over and over and over again–“Where are you from / how’s this weather / what are you doing today?”  No need to make conversation with customers not here, I’m not complaining.  No customers would then mean, though, more folding, more sizing.  Now, I’m complaining.  Dear friend and co-worker’s shift begins.  Excited to catch up. We speak of recent and upcoming adventures in front of the illuminated watch case.  We get in trouble.  Expected.  We catch up discreetly in the enclave of backpacks.  “Want to go home early?” my manager asks.  YES.  Oh my gosh, yes.  Grab my stuff.  Head to church.  Sing until I just about lose my voice.  Forced then to talk to more people–strangers, I might add.  “Malia.  Ma-li-a.  Like Maria but with an ‘L’ ”  Followed up with more where are you from / how’s this weather / what did you do today?  Now I wish I would’ve actually lost my voice.  I know, I know.  Sinner.  Whatever.  And then JESUS.  Boom. Learn about Him.  Fall more in love with Him.  Have my life radically reworked by Him.  Give Him all my stuff.  Head back to the train.  It’s the R.  Have to wait for the train…It’s the R.  Conk out.  Get home.  1100 PM.  Get ready for bed.  Time to read.  Getting sleepy.  Time to write.  Getting stuck.  Time to call.  Damn you, timezones.  Time to sleep.  Body, mind, and soul–EXHAUSTED.

I can’t keep this up for long.

New York.  Oh, New York.  My incredibly happy but hard place.