I’ve had dreams, and I’ve had the proper upbringing along with just enough confidence and/or craziness (call it what you will) to boldly approach them.  I’ve had opportunity whet my artistic appetite, and I’ve also had rejection and a whole slew of other circumstances try to wet my ambitious flame.

But thank you, Lord, that through it all I’ve had the most wonderful family, friends, and mentors who have constantly pushed me to keep pushing on.

So here I stand once again, a little island girl in a bustling city of strangers, as I stick my head back into the huddle I had such a hard time penetrating last year.  Only this time, I find out that the very thing everyone is crowding around is dead.  That’s not to say that everyone sees what I see.  Rather in a weird and sci-fi way, the lens through which I now look at this once “highly-coveted dream” has changed.  Be that blame on the lens or the looker, something’s different, for what I used to desire, I don’t anymore.

It’s all very much like that one New Year’s Eve when I realized that I didn’t actually like apple cider (after how many years and cupfuls?) even though I love apples.  I just always drank cider for novelty’s sake.  Currently with dancing, I have likewise realized that I don’t really desire a career in or a paycheck from the industry.  I just always aimed for that because of supposition’s sake.

Now I believe the following phrase is attributed to Gandhi, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”  I like to take it a bit further (or back…way back, because he’s Gandhi) and say, “Be the party you wish to be at.”  Why not?  Why not have my own dance party full of life and exuberance and not condemnation and critique?  Why not have my own dance party full of self-expression and not rigidity, of beauty and not booty, booty, booty, booty rockin’ everywhere?  Why not dance because it surges throughout my body and soul and not just because it’s what people expect me to do?

Granted, I doubt my tweak on Gandhi will make it onto any bumperstickers or coffee mugs in the near future, but it’s my party and I’ll dance and not serve apple cider if I want to.  I’ll dance if no one’s watching.  I’ll dance if everyone’s watching–and judging.  I’ll dance, so long as God grants me breath, because it simply gives me joy.

Photo Credit: Brad Elliott of Westmont College