My friend did this for her boyfriend, and it got me thinking.  Well, she actually came up with 100 ways, but that is a lot.  So I decided on 50.  But that too was a lot.  Then I realized, I am pretty terrible at this glass-is-half-full mentality, but I want to be better.  So I am starting with 10, and I am slowly but surely working on giving myself more grace and speaking more life over the mixed up, mismatched pieces that make up me.

1. I get to do all of my favorite hobbies (flowers, coffee, kids, dancing, and the arts in general) and get paid for them.  This smorgasbord of extracurricular activities I have pieced together doesn’t exactly come with a definite 10-year plan or a 401k…but I  have tasted and I have seen that which brings me joy and fulfillment, and I am just naive and/or desperate enough to follow those leads.  That said, if anyone can hook me up with a (coffee or flower or really any kind of) farm and/or a coffee roasting Yoda and/or a construction / set and design master, I’d love to learn more about those things.
2. I don’t know if there is necessarily anything that I did to win in this arena, but I am claiming it as a victory–I have the best friends ever.  You are all so spread out and span a varying range of how much I get to see and talk to you, but I love you.  For those who have paid my rent before, bought my plane tickets, opened up your houses and your lives, encouraged me with your words, pushed me when I wanted to give up, held my hand and held the light for me when I couldn’t see two inches in front of my face, for those of you who shared a cup of coffee and/or a 4-hour meal with me, listened to me, prayed for me, and have stuck around and been persistent for long enough to get to know my heart and share in my journey–THANK YOU.  I could write a post alone on how awesome you all are, and still that would not even begin to scratch the surface.
3. New York freakin’ City. If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere.  I mean, I am still here…aren’t I?  Almost 7 years later.  Now as far as what “making it” really means?  That’s a great question, Malia.  Ergo, this list.
4. I have always wanted to go to Colorado. So I am going.  I am all about planning and making wise life decisions, but sometimes I just  overthink things.
5. I can do a pull-up. As my body tends towards degeneration and throws temper tantrums more frequently at the gym and the studio, I have to say…even in my prime while dancing 25+ hours a week and playing varsity basketball and volleyball, I could never do a pull-up!  That said, you win some, you lose some.  Or, you lose a lot…but by golly George, you win a pull-up with the additional prize of shoulders that no longer fit into your capped sleeve dresses anymore.
6. I am failing constantly and learning daily.  Thank goodness God made me so stubborn.  As much as I like to think that I am resilient and all of those positive attributes you see on T-shirts and tote bags, the truth of the matter is is that, I learn and gather information about myself and what it means and looks like to move forward more so from dead ends, detours, and the process of elimination than I do from divine revelations, enumerated lists, and perfectly articulated aspirations.
7. I get to be a part of the next generation.  I get to play a part in shaping young minds and cultivating their dreams.  I get to help equip them for their future, for our future.  For as my camp director and dear friend always says, “It is easier to prepare the youth than to repair them as adults.”
8. I paid off my student loans.  I have health insurance and great credit.  I have a dental cleaning scheduled for next month, and I filed my taxes already.  I know this just sounds like boring adult stuff that you’re supposed to do, but when you’re a full-time freelancing hustler in the city that never sleeps, you’ll claim any little victory you can get!
9. My family.  I cannot say enough wonderful things about you all.  So I will just post a picture and consider it a thousand words of my best attempt.  (Not pictured: 2 amazing sister-in-laws).
10. “You’re tied down to the mundane; I’m in touch with what is beyond your horizons.  You live in terms of what you see and touch.  I’m living on other terms.”  Did you ever wonder if there was more to life than this? Well, there is.  And I know the secret.  Let me know if you want in.  There’s more than enough room in this club.

Bad and banal and fragmented thoughts

Bunny trail run-ons and often the improper tense

Superfluous adverbs and repetitive words

And straight up, concepts that just don’t make sense

Wrong punctuation and spelling errors, guaranteed

Thoughts here and thoughts there that remain incomplete

That’s probably what you’ll find

Most likely what you’ll read here

Still here it is, here I am

Confronting one of my biggest fears:

To allow others to enter the musings of my mind

To let them in, to draw them close

And to not run and hide

For fear that they might see something that’s wrong…

And, or, for fear they might see something that’s right

For fear that I might quite possibly be known

For fear that I might very well be exposed

Well, the cat’s out of the bag

It’s down the alley and across the street.

Breaking news!

I don’t have it all together

But perfection is not what I seek.

I desire to be honest

The way that cheap yoga pants are to thighs.

I desire to be transparent

With every aspect of my life;

With my broken and blurry and fragmented dreams;

My proclivity for scaled options, snooze buttons, and ease;

My superfluous worries,

And struggles with XY and Z,

My hesitation to have expectations

And senseless anxiety to encounter my limitations.

That’s just a preview of what you’ll find,

Most likely what you’ll read here.

Still here it is, here I am

Conquering one of my biggest fears.

Writing.

Sharing.

Getting back into literary shape.

Being known.

Being seen.

Being okay

With being me.

Because this is where I am

But this isn’t where I’ll stay

So come along as I progress

Little by little every day.