This is “I love you” and want to know how to do it better.

An excerpt from Andrew Marin’s Love is an Orientation, p. 81.

Imagine you’re in the clouds looking down at the Golden Gate Bridge.

It’s suspended above the Golden Gate Strait, connecting the San Francisco Bay to the Pacific Ocean, and you can see that the bridge is anchored down by two large landmasses on each side.  On one side is the gay and lesbian community firmly bolted down.  On the other is the evangelical community firmly planted in the same fashion.

Now from your position in the clouds, remove the entire middle section of the Golden Gate Bridge.  What is left are two brief entrance ramps still anchored on each side with nothing to connect them.  Imagine the GLBT community and the Christian community standing on their respective sides, sincerely and honestly encouraging one another to leave their safe and secure landmass and swim across to the other side, pull themselves out of the water, try to climb up the entrance ramp without ropes or any equipment, and then somehow stumble their way to the other community who is comfortably waiting, wondering what took so long.

There’s got to be a better way.

An excerpt from AW Tozer’s The Knowledge of the Holy, p.97-99.

Most of us go through life praying a little, planning a little, jockeying for position, hoping but never being quite certain of anything, and always secretly afraid that we will miss the way.  This is a tragic waste of truth and never gives rest to the heart.

There is a better way.  It is to repudiate our own wisdom and take instead the infinite wisdom of God.  Our insistence upon seeing ahead is natural enough, but it is a real hindrance to our spiritual progress.  God has charged Himself with full responsibility for our eternal happiness and stands ready to take over the management of our lives the moment we turn to in faith to Him.  Here is His promise: “And I will bring the blind by a way that they knew not; I will lead them in paths that they have not known: I will make darkness light before them, and crooked things straight.  These things will I do unto them, and not forsake them.”

Let Him lead thee blindfold onwards,

Love needs not to know;

Children whom the Father leadeth

Ask not where they go.

Though the path be all unknown,

Over moors and mountains lone.

-Gerhard Tersteegen

God constantly encourages us to trust Him in the dark.  “I will go before thee, and make the crooked places straight: I will break in pieces the gates of brass, and cut in sunder the bars of iron: and I will give thee the treasures of darkness, and hidden riches of secret places, that thou mayest know that I the Lord, which call thee by name, am the God of Israel.”

It is heartening to learn how many of God’s mighty deeds were done in secret, away from the prying eyes of men or angels.  When God created the heavens and the earth, darkness was upon the face of the deep.  When the Eternal Son became flesh, He was carried for a time in the darkness of the sweet virgin’s womb.  When He died for the life of the world, it was in the darkness, seen by no one at the last. When He arose from the dead, it was “very early in the morning.”  No one saw Him rise.  It is as if God were saying, “What I am is all that need matter to you, for there lie your hope and your peace.  I will do what I will do, and it will all come to light at last, but how I do it is My secret.  Trust Me, and be not afraid.”

With the goodness of God to desire our highest welfare, the wisdom of God to plan it, and the power of God to achieve it, what do we lack?  Surely we are the most favored of all creatures.

instantes. 

[attributed to Jorge Luis Borges]

Si pudiera vivir nuevamente mi vida,
En la próxima

Trataría de cometer más errores.
No intentaría ser tan perfecto,

Me relajaría más.
Sería más tonto de lo que he sido,
De hecho

Tomaría muy pocas cosas con seriedad.
Sería menos higiénico.
Correría más riesgos,
Haría más viajes,
Contemplaría más atardeceres,
Subiría más montañas,

Nadaría más ríos.
Iría a más lugares adonde nunca he ido,
Comería más helados y menos habas,
Tendría más problemas reales

Y menos imaginarios.

Yo fui una de esas personas

Que vivió sensata y prolíficamente

Cada minuto de su vida;

Claro que tuve momentos de alegría.
Pero si pudiera volver atrás trataría
De tener solamente buenos momentos.

Por si no lo saben,

De eso está hecha la vida,
Sólo de momentos;

No te pierdas el ahora.

Yo era uno de esos que nunca
Iban a ninguna parte sin un termómetro,
Una bolsa de agua caliente,
Un paraguas y un paracaídas;
Si pudiera volver a vivir,

Viajaría más liviano.

Si pudiera volver a vivir
Comenzaría a andar descalzo a principios
De la primavera y seguiría descalzo

Hasta concluir el otoño.
Daría más vueltas en calesita,
Contemplaría más amaneceres,
Y jugaría con más niños,
Si tuviera otra vez vida por delante.

Pero ya ven, tengo 85 años…
Y sé que me estoy muriendo.

 

Drivers Wanted National Essay Contest by Volkswagon, 2000.  

Note: This entry was awarded honorable mention.

Other note: This here is one of my most favorite authors and most inspiring individuals I have ever had the pleasure and privilege of knowing–my daddy, Stephen Wee.

It seems like only yesterday that I got my first car..a 1971, baby blue, Volkswagen Super Beetle, license plate 2A-164.  I washed it every week, and polished it every month with love.  You could fill up the gas tank with a five dollar bill, and get change back.  There was no air-conditioning, and the black vinyl seats got pretty hot when you parked in the sun, but if you put a tee-shirt on the seat back, rolled down the windows, and turned on the fan to blow the hot air around, life was pretty good.  The handle above the glove compartment was perfect for hanging sunglasses.  When you needed to transport a large object, you could remove the front passenger seat, fold the rear seat back down, and the treasure would fit right in.  The engine was a little noisy, but late at night, you could speed up, push in the clutch, put it in neutral, turn off the engine, and coast the last hundred yards to home in total silence, and no one would know how late you came in.

So many memories…and it’s actually how I found my wife.  We were both UH students.  It certainly wasn’t love at first sight.  I had a car, and she didn’t.  I offered her a ride and she accepted.  She knew a good deal when she saw it, and she bummed rides for the next six years.  Now it seems that when two people spend lots of time together in a small space, they either end up going crazy, hating each other, or falling in love.  We were blessed with option number three.  Then she finished school, and was about to leave for the mainland when the subject of marriage came up.  She was reluctant to make the commitment because of her imminent departure.  After years of freeloading rides, she wasn’t going to “chicken-out” on me.  Big crisis!  So one night we parked at Kewalo Basin, and there in the Volkswagen, negotiations took place, we decided to “go for it” and got engaged.  Sounds corny, I know, but because of all those years and especially that night, I think of my Volkswagen Bug as being like the Battleship Missouri where historic events occurred.  But alas, not all memories are happy.  Bittersweet was the day we picked up our wedding rings because on that day, my beloved Volkwagen was stolen and I never saw it again.  It’s like I traded one love for another.  But the “Love Bug” had served its purpose, and our lives were changed forever.

Today we have four kids, work together and drive large, family-hauling vehicles.  Someday however, I hope to have another Bug.  Our twentieth wedding anniversary is coming up.  Maybe I could get one by then, and perhaps we could renew our marriage vows in the car.  I wonder if the priest would mind sitting in the back seat?  It might be a little crowded, but at least today’s Bugs have air-conditioning.

This is why I write things down.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!  We thought we would send a newsletter this holiday season because time seems to pass so quickly, and there never seems to be enough time to write to all of you.  Do know however, that you are all in our thoughts quite often.

So much has happened in the past year.  First of all, the kids are growing up so quickly.  David is 11, Chris is 9, Brad is 6, and Stephanie [Malia] is 4.  David is growing up to be a nice young man.  He does well in school and again will be on the basketball team this year.  He is in his 6th year of karate and is now a brown belt.  He just got rollerblades and has been practicing as much as he can.  He is quite good with the younger kids, does housework with a minimum of arm-twisting and overall is a good kid.  Chris also does well in school, has a phenomenal memory, except when it comes to things like remembering to pick up his clothes or brush his teeth.  He also takes karate and just got rollerblades.  He also does housework only under duress.  Brad is learning to read bedtime stories to me.  He also takes karate and our guess is that he will eventually be the athlete of the bunch.  He just got rollerblades today and we were outside practicing with a karate belt tied around his chest and me holding the other end, lifting him up every time he would fall.  The two of us were probably quite a sight.  He had no injuries, but I got run over, kicked and scratched up several times.  He falls, but I get injured…funny how being a dad works.  Stephanie [Malia] just started Hanalani Schools this year, and now all 4 go to the same private Christian school.  She loves school, wants to be a teacher, and will go around pretending to read books to a class, and asks to bike without training wheels and is almost always a pleasant and loving child.  I needed a girl just like that.  For the past year, she has taken dance lessons which are a combination of jazz, tap, and ballet.  She has a great time at dance and recently was in a community parade and programs at a couple of shopping centers.  She has several outfits including a “caveman” one for a song about dinosaurs, another Princess Jasmine costume for her Aladdin song, an outfit complete with ballet tutu for dancing to “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”, and others.  So cute!  The first time I saw her in practice was one of the those moments I will remember for the rest of my life.  David and Chris joined Cub Scouts this past summer and I am an assistant den leader, complete with uniform, patches and a hat.  We have been having weekly meetings at our house and it is really a lot of fun, although somewhat time-consuming.  We were all in another community parade on the Cub Scout trailer, and had a great time.  David ran / walked the two mile course and passed out candy.  The rest of us rode.

We renovated our house.  After about 3 years in the planning, construction began in May and continued for almost 5 months.  Every single area was changed to some degree and we had to move out.  Luckily, we were able to rent a house 2 doors away so were able to watch it come up, communicate easily with the contractor, remain with the same neighbors on our cul-de-sac where the kids could play, with lots of neighbors their ages.  It was still a two minute commute to the office, and the kid’s school routine was not disrupted in any way.  We rented space in a public storage facility nearby which was convenient.  Being two doors away from our house made the move slightly less horrible and were able to move our things back and forth even late at night, and I suppose things went about about as smoothly as possible.  We are back in our house now and still have boxes all over the place, but are quite pleased with how things turned out.  Each child has their own bedroom, and we have a study where all of us can work.  There is a little workshop area off the new garage, a larger kitchen, and all in all, we are quite happy with the way things turned out.

The office remains busy and we are very fortunate to have excellent employees.  We have been in practice together for about 9 years and for all its hassles, really enjoy the flexibility of being our own bosses.  We are in the middle of the fastest growing area of Oahu, both residential population and commercial-wise with K-Mart, Eagle Hardware, Sam’s Club and Wal-Mart all opening within 5 minutes drive of our cul-de-sac.

I hit the big “4-0” this year.  I feel good and have no complains about the milestone, because as far as I am concerned, life just keeps getting better.  Theresa and I have been “working out” at the YMCA several times a week for the past couple of years in an effort to slow the deterioration of the old bod.  Seems to be working nicely for her, at least.

No major trips this past year mostly because of everything going on with the house, but we will probably try and get the kids back to Disneyland next summer.  We did have a short trip to visit my dad on Maui, and will return over New Years’.  During their longer breaks, we sometimes send David and Chris up there by themselves to visit.

Well, that’s about it for now.  For those of you who have written, thank you for your letters.  For those of you that haven’t, the ball’s in your court.  We really have been thinking about you, particularly as we unpack a Christmas ornament, a wedding gift, a picture, or something with a special memory.  Life is full and we have a lot to be thankful for.  We wish the same for you.  Happy holidays!  Take care.

The Living Reminder by Henri Nouwen, 39-41.  One of my all-time favorite books and authors.

One of the mysteries of life is that memory can often bring us closer to each other than can physical presence.  Physical presence not only invites but also blocks intimate communication.  In our pre-resurrection state our bodies hide as much as they reveal.  Indeed, many of our disappointments and frustrations in life are related to the fact that seeing and touching each other does not always create the closeness we seek.  The more experience in living we have, the more we sense that closeness grows in the continuous interplay between presence and absence.

In absence, from a distance, in memory, we see each other in a new way.  We are less distracted by each other’s idiosyncracies and are better able to see and understand each other’s inner core.

When I am away from home, I often express myself in letters in a much more intimate way than when I am with my family. And when I am away from school, students often write letters in which they say things they were never able to express when I was around.

In memory, we are able to be in touch with each other’s spirit, with that reality in each other which enables an always deepening communication.  There is little doubt that memory can distort, falsify, and cause selective perception.  But that is only one aspect of memory.  Memory also clarifies, purifies, brings into focus, and calls to the foreground hidden gifts.  When a mother and father think of their children who have left home, when a child remembers his parents, when a husband and wife call each other to mind during long periods of absence, when friends recall their friends, it is often the very best that is evoked and the real beauty of the other that breaks through into consciousness.  When we remember each other with love we evoke each other’s spirit and so enter into a new intimacy, a spiritual union with each other.  At the same time, however, the loving memory always makes us desire to be in touch again, to see each other anew, to return to the shared life where the newly found spirit can become more concretely expressed and more deeply embedded in the mutuality of love.  But a deeper presence always leads again to a more purifying absence.  Thus the continuous interplay between presence and absence, linked by our creative memory, is the way in which our love for each other is purified, deepened, and sustained.

I miss you all, so very much.

Last week, I got an idea for an entry on beauty and began scribbling down sentences, citing respectable authors, saving my work, and repeating the process many times over.  Then I realized that what I was really trying to say in those 350 words, John and Stasi Eldridge had already said in 60 in their book Captivating, and it was this:

Perhaps the only things standing in the way of my beauty are my doubts and fears and the hiding and striving I fall to as a result…so the choice a woman makes is not to conjure up beauty, but to let her defenses down.  To choose to se aside her normal means of survival and just let her heart show up (133).

Lord, I believe, but please help me with my unbelief.